The Quickness Go On Summer Vacation

[00:00:00] Speaker A: I have a surprise for you. [00:00:01] Speaker B: Surprise. [00:00:06] Speaker A: I got autotune. Wait, it's not working. Shit. That was supposed to be such a reveal. [00:00:13] Speaker B: That's a little. That's the. [00:00:14] Speaker A: That's just reverb. Didn't work. Oh, yours is working. [00:00:22] Speaker B: It doesn't sound like it. [00:00:24] Speaker A: Oh, you gotta turn it up, dog. [00:00:26] Speaker B: Turn it. [00:00:29] Speaker A: There you are. I got auto tune. [00:00:33] Speaker B: There it is. [00:00:35] Speaker A: Autotune. Now. Everything we do is so professional. [00:00:44] Speaker B: Professional. [00:00:49] Speaker A: Word up, t pain. [00:00:53] Speaker B: Yeah. T pain will be so, so proud. Hashtag t pain. Send this to t pain. T pain. [00:00:58] Speaker A: What does it sound like when we're just talking? It sounds less like we have weird. [00:01:05] Speaker B: Yeah. Weir. [00:01:07] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:01:11] Speaker B: If you sing, I think it helps. [00:01:12] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fun. Okay. [00:01:20] Speaker B: I love that. [00:01:21] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:01:24] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:01:25] Speaker A: Yes. [00:01:27] Speaker B: Oh, yay. Yay. That's fun. Now I just want to sing bartender so bad, but I won't do it. [00:01:36] Speaker A: Bartender. [00:01:40] Speaker B: Can I buy you a beverage? [00:01:43] Speaker A: There's nothing wrong with it, man. [00:01:47] Speaker B: That's cool. I like that. That's a solid surprise. [00:01:51] Speaker A: Anyway, we'll keep it locked away for now. [00:01:54] Speaker B: For now. [00:01:54] Speaker A: For now. [00:01:55] Speaker B: But it will be back. [00:01:56] Speaker A: Yes. But it's perf go. It's perfect. Because autotune is the sound of the summer. [00:02:04] Speaker B: It really is. Right? Autotune is just like, it's fun, baby. And I think summer should be fun. [00:02:09] Speaker A: Summer should be fun. When I was a kid, I spent summers growing up in Florida. West Palm Beach, Florida. [00:02:14] Speaker B: Shout out to West Palm beach. [00:02:16] Speaker A: Yeah. I definitely still have a relationship with that place I grew up. So I. Yeah, I. What do I remember about West Palm? I remember one time. Okay, so here's the thing about. I don't know if you have a childhood like this, but I have memories that I'm not sure if they're real. [00:02:36] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:02:36] Speaker A: Or if they're like kind of folklore interpretations of my own childhood. Like, I have a memory of running from a gator. Whoa. [00:02:47] Speaker B: Okay. [00:02:47] Speaker A: But I don't think that actually happened. I think that's like, I saw a gator. I imagined running from it, told somebody six years later that it happened, and then it became a memory. Then it wasn't real. [00:03:01] Speaker B: That happened with me, too. I used to tell people, part is a true story. Decipher which part is real. I used to tell people that I dated Rihanna. I think I've mentioned that to you before. When I worked at Disney, Rihanna was still, like, a pretty new artist. And so I used to say, yeah, I used to date Rihanna. Both of our parents were family friends from Barbados. [00:03:22] Speaker A: And that cannot be true. [00:03:24] Speaker B: She met up with Jay Z, and then next thing you know, she stopped talking to me and an umbrella came out. And that's what I used to say. [00:03:31] Speaker A: You used to like. And people believed it. [00:03:33] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. Especially, no offense to all of our listeners, the white people would definitely believe it. [00:03:40] Speaker A: It's like, well, he's black. [00:03:42] Speaker B: Yeah, like that. [00:03:42] Speaker A: And I pretty sure she's black. [00:03:43] Speaker B: Yeah, that makes sense. But, yeah, my parents not from Barbados. I've never even met Rihanna. [00:03:53] Speaker A: Not in the dream, baby. [00:03:54] Speaker B: But it's become part of my reality that. Oh, yeah, I used to date Rihanna before she was really big. [00:03:59] Speaker A: Well, you can lie about anything. You can say anything you want. [00:04:05] Speaker B: Oh, I love it. [00:04:06] Speaker A: You know what I mean? [00:04:07] Speaker B: Mm hmm, mm hmm. You can say anything that you want. [00:04:11] Speaker A: Yeah. Literally. Girl, let me tell you something about my past? I used to be a spy? Used to be a spy? Look right in my eye? From 1993 to 95, I was a spy? I used to be a spy? I used to be a spy? Look in my eye? 93 to 95 I was a spy? [00:04:45] Speaker B: Girl? I used to be a kingdom country? [00:04:54] Speaker A: It was an african country? You probably never heard? Yeah, don't be acting so absurd? Yeah, if you don't know it, please, bitch probably means you're just racist? [00:05:05] Speaker B: Can't you see I used to be royalty? [00:05:10] Speaker A: Can't you see I used to work for the cie? That's like the CIA, but instead of America, it was America. It's a country in Africa? I used to be that guy? I used to be that guy who found all the missing children on the back of the milk boxes? A private eye after I was a spy? And this was from 95 until 99? [00:05:43] Speaker B: Oh, I used to be searching these caves all alone? I ran from up older? I used to be Indiana Jones? And don't be a sip when I cracked my whip? I was Indiana Jones? [00:06:02] Speaker A: I'm not a liar, liar? I'm not a liar, liar? This all transpired? I'm not a liar, liar? I'm not a liar, liar? My pants are not on fire? Not on fire, not on fire? Girl, how can you say that I lie when I tell you that I used to do a life a crime? Shortly after 99? I did not do the twin Towers? Now nine? I'm also german? Yeah, now you also learnin all about the things that I used to do? I was german and also british too? [00:06:40] Speaker B: Girl, I'm gonna share it all? I'm the reason that tore down the Berlin Wall? [00:06:50] Speaker A: Girl, I'm gonna tell you the truth. World War Two. I'm not a liar. [00:07:01] Speaker B: No, no. [00:07:05] Speaker A: Game changer. [00:07:08] Speaker B: That's fun. [00:07:09] Speaker A: Insane, man. [00:07:10] Speaker B: That's great. [00:07:11] Speaker A: Insane, man. I'm not a liar. [00:07:14] Speaker B: You can do. You could say whatever you want, man. [00:07:17] Speaker A: You actually can. [00:07:18] Speaker B: Yeah. That's so funny. [00:07:20] Speaker A: You can, though. Like, you can. You can say whatever you want anywhere you go. Especially, like, new places. Speaking of summer, when you came back from summer after middle school, you had a chance to reinvent yourself. High school, college. And there was this one kid in my college whose name was Vance. [00:07:36] Speaker B: Uh oh. Shout out to Vance. [00:07:37] Speaker A: Shout out to Vance. And we found out, like, three years in, his name was not Vance. It was, like, Kentucky Rogers or something. And he was just like, that's not gonna work, dude. [00:07:48] Speaker B: Vance, you should have stuck with Kentucky Rogers, dude. That is. That's a killer name. [00:07:52] Speaker A: I wanna meet Kentucky Rogers. Oh, my God. [00:07:55] Speaker B: I don't. [00:07:55] Speaker A: Maybe that wasn't his name, but that should have been his name. [00:07:57] Speaker B: That really should have been his name. [00:07:58] Speaker A: Do you want to do a song about K? [00:08:00] Speaker B: Why not, dude? Kentucky Rogers. [00:08:02] Speaker A: My God. [00:08:06] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:08:07] Speaker A: Yeah. We thought we knew our boy Vance. Nah, but he was Kentucky Rogers this whole time. [00:08:14] Speaker B: Oh, I really shouldn't have to ask. Vance, could you please take off that mask? Ooh. And you're feeling kind of lucky. I found out Vance's real name was Kentucky. [00:08:24] Speaker A: Kentucky. Last name Rogers, yeah. Used to play with the Dodgers. Yeah. All these things he used to do Kentucky Rogers here's the thing you need to know cowboy disco man a cowboy disco man Kentucky Rogers Kentucky Rogers a cowboy disco man he's a cowboy disco man Kentucky Rogers that's Kentucky Rogers, yeah. Gets off his horse, goes kaboot rocks around with his high heeled boots, yeah, does a step, does another step says Yayo kitty he makes another pep talk to all the cows gets them all around says there's only room for one of us in this town on the dance floor he wants a little more lasso's a lady and says, what for? [00:09:11] Speaker B: Oh, gather round, all I'm about to do a country step with this disneyland. Oh, and you don't even know. Yee haw. That's what my horses go I said I, Santa Aseta I said. [00:09:27] Speaker A: But who's this coming onto the dance floor? Who's this mean machine? Who's this mean machine that we got to see? His name is his mister clean Mister clean Jeremiah clean his name is Jeremiah. [00:09:46] Speaker B: Clean oh, oh, it's me, Jeremiah clean I'm ball hill headed and I got two sponges in each hand I'm gonna scrub you up? I'm gonna scrub you down? But what I most known for around this town is getting down? [00:10:08] Speaker A: Jeremiah Clean, Kentucky Rogers just two men on the floor tonight but if you look around there's a lot of silly boys and the girls who will give you quite a fright? There's Mister Spooky pookie, there's misses Landedoo. [00:10:22] Speaker B: And I'm Texas hold'em. Oh, it's a full on draw for you. [00:10:26] Speaker A: Yeah, you might think. You might think they'll put you in your place. What are all these people doing here? Is this some kind of drag race? [00:10:37] Speaker B: I'm Flora the Johnson and I'm gonna drag all over the floor? [00:10:41] Speaker A: I'm Amanda hug and kiss I'm gonna. [00:10:44] Speaker B: Show you my roofs on the floor I'm Anita. Man, that's two ends. That's who I am. [00:10:51] Speaker A: I'm also Anita. Man, we should have made a better plan. Two drag queens with the same name. This is quite bad. This was not our game. There's only so many Anita puns. We're gonna have to come up with another one. Mmm. [00:11:07] Speaker B: You can call me come dumpster. [00:11:12] Speaker A: Is that a real one you've heard before? [00:11:13] Speaker B: That is a real one. That is my real name. [00:11:20] Speaker A: So. Surprise. [00:11:25] Speaker B: See, Vance is not the only one with secrets. [00:11:27] Speaker A: Yeah, surprise. Cause my secret name is coming up. [00:11:33] Speaker B: But it's spelled with a q, so it balances out. [00:11:36] Speaker A: Oh. I'm trying to think of really good drag names, but none are coming to mind at this time. Oh, um, lazy Susan, I thought, was a pretty good one. [00:11:47] Speaker B: That's a good one. That's solid. Cause they just. You can just turn her around. [00:11:52] Speaker A: Yeah, just turn it around. Lay flat, and you're. You're nailing it. [00:11:58] Speaker B: You're nailing it. You know that I. It fits into the summer, actually, the summer of 2008, I moved out of the house, and I was part of the Disney college program. [00:12:10] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:12:11] Speaker B: And so I had a whole bunch of roommates. One of them, I'll just use first name named Royce. I never. [00:12:18] Speaker A: I like Royce. [00:12:19] Speaker B: Never knew much. [00:12:20] Speaker A: Royce wouldn't know you. I'll just use their first name. Shagoon. No one will guess. [00:12:34] Speaker B: Royce introduced me to the world of drag queens. I had no. I mean, 2008, there was no televised RuPaul's drag race. It was not nearly as prevalent as it is now in popular culture. And I did not know what was involved. And I was a little scared, you know, a little straight boy being like, oh, I don't know what's gonna happen. And then I saw the whole process. He had his makeup artist come over, do his makeup, and I saw this transformation. I went down, and there was lip syncing, and there was, like, amazing dancing, and I was like, yo, I get it. So when it finally became this phenomenon, I was like, psh. Y'all are late on this. [00:13:15] Speaker A: Yeah. Cause you found it one year before everyone else. You're like, catch up straights. I went to one show last year. [00:13:25] Speaker B: He would enter a room. I love this thing about Royce. He would enter the room, he'd come home, and he bust open the door. We were all hanging out, and he'd be like, all, you heterose need to pick up your fucking shit. He just always complained about how dirty we were, and he wasn't wrong. [00:13:39] Speaker A: So, I mean, was he really clean? [00:13:42] Speaker B: He was a clean dude. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. [00:13:43] Speaker A: Okay, hopefully. Cause that, I don't like when someone is, like, always mad at everyone else for not being clean, but then they're not clean. [00:13:49] Speaker B: They're dirty themselves. [00:13:50] Speaker A: Cause I don't get mad at other people for not being clean, but I'm not that clean. Yeah, I'm a little messy. I'm a little untidy. [00:13:55] Speaker B: You know, geniuses are often messy. Yeah. [00:13:58] Speaker A: And that's what I always say to my housemates whenever they get Madden. I'm like, geniuses are. And they're like, this is not fun to be around. [00:14:06] Speaker B: Well, everybody knows geniuses are not fun to be around. [00:14:10] Speaker A: Yeah. It's not cause I'm gross. [00:14:13] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:14:14] Speaker A: It's cause I'm a genius. [00:14:15] Speaker B: Yeah. You think Mozart was just, like, a gas? I don't think so. [00:14:20] Speaker A: No, I don't think so. I think he was leaving shit everywhere. [00:14:23] Speaker B: Yeah, he was. [00:14:24] Speaker A: And it's worth. Is it worth it? [00:14:26] Speaker B: Yes. [00:14:27] Speaker A: Yes. [00:14:29] Speaker B: Uh, yeah. [00:14:30] Speaker A: Uh. [00:14:31] Speaker B: What? [00:14:32] Speaker A: Ew. [00:14:33] Speaker B: Yuck. [00:14:33] Speaker A: Yuck. [00:14:34] Speaker B: Gross. [00:14:39] Speaker A: I'm a genius. I'm a genius. That's why I don't wash my penis. [00:14:45] Speaker B: I'm a genius. I'm a genius. That's why I don't wash my penis. Yo, what the fuck is up with you, bub? When it comes to bath time, I never scrub I won't even dare to pick up a dish I won't even do it if you beg or wish. [00:15:03] Speaker A: Peanut butter knife in the sink got you straight rolling on a brink but if you ask me to clean my room, I'm like, sorry. They only pay me to think I don't wash my ass. I don't wash my ass. [00:15:18] Speaker B: I don't wash my hands. I don't wash my ass. I don't wash my ass, I don't wash my hands. [00:15:27] Speaker A: How do you like them apples? I don't wash my asshole. Yeah, you don't like it? Drink this snapple, pour it on my bod. Yeah, I like to rub that shit all over me. Cause I'm a genius, brah. [00:15:39] Speaker B: When it comes to the living room, don't look over there with that on the ground, it's all my pubic hair. I snip and snip and snip wherever I please. But don't forget I'm a jihy nia. [00:15:50] Speaker A: Yes, I'm a ji I us. I'm a gi ei yas. I can't spell, but I am a. [00:16:00] Speaker B: Gina ya us, yo, when it comes to music, I will make all the hits. When it comes to tantrum, I will throw all the fits. You just have to get used to it cuz I am a genie. Every, every us, yeah. [00:16:16] Speaker A: Wish I had a genie to clean my room for me. But since I don't, I'm just gonna make it so sticky, so sticky. Stinky, yeah. Use my pinky to clean my asshole. Never, never baby icky. [00:16:28] Speaker B: If you can smell it from there, it's probably my feet cause I just don't care. [00:16:33] Speaker A: Been walking around thinking expensive thoughts I don't need ladies to think that I'm hot cuz I making money, bowing, bowing, making money from the the stuff that I'm knowing. All my bills straight up, they'll be showing don't wash my ass, still my dick, they'll be blowing. [00:16:51] Speaker B: Oh, can you smell the smegma? Oh, can you smell the smegma? Oh, can you smell the smagma? That's not cheese. That is my smegma. [00:17:03] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm fucking gross. Yeah. My size smell like cheese on toast. [00:17:09] Speaker B: Iq over 400. [00:17:12] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm a member of Mensa. I'm a member of Mensa. [00:17:16] Speaker B: So I don't fucking wash. Man, that one's a hit. [00:17:21] Speaker A: That's it. That one's going right on the radio. [00:17:23] Speaker B: Geniuses everywhere. Be like blasting that Bill Gates. [00:17:28] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, yeah. [00:17:29] Speaker B: Elon Musk starts playing it. Somebody's like, no, no, no. [00:17:32] Speaker A: Elon, Elon, we need you to wash. [00:17:35] Speaker B: Please do. He's like, why do I have to wash? [00:17:38] Speaker A: Why do I have to wash? I don't. I am a supervillain from a movie and people somehow still, this is how you know that if Lex Luthor were, I don't know if like, Galthar, destroyer of worlds, came down and was like, I will destroy your planet and make profit, there would be a few guys who are like, sorry you hate him. Cause you aren't him. [00:18:01] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, if you had the power to come down from space and take over a planet, you're trying to act like you wouldn't do it. Hate much. [00:18:08] Speaker A: You just hate Glabthar the destroyer because he has more power than you. And if you were in Glapathar's place, you would destroy worlds. [00:18:16] Speaker B: Scrolling on TikTok. Oh. If you want to make the same kind of power moves that Glapthar the destroyer makes, follow my ten month course. [00:18:23] Speaker A: I can teach you to Glabthar your way to victory in 15 easy steps. My course is $29.99. It's mostly PDF's. [00:18:32] Speaker B: To get a free ten minute trial. [00:18:34] Speaker A: Click on the link below and then. Yeah, I mean, everyone hates on Glavathar, right? Like always. Like, oh, yeah, he wants to destroy worlds. End of the day, high alpha power. Women want high alpha power, destroyer of worlds. [00:18:49] Speaker B: Yes, exactly. It's a tale as old as time tail. [00:18:52] Speaker A: As old as glad Elon Musk eat my ass. [00:19:00] Speaker B: Well, it's interesting that you should say that, because when it comes to eating ass, people say that, but you're not actually chewing on ass. [00:19:05] Speaker A: It's more of glam, guy. But I think this is gonna be the best summer ever because things are looking up. You just got good news about your job. I just got some good news about relationships. Everything's feeling good, feeling great. I just feel like things are on the ups, you know? [00:19:24] Speaker B: Things are good. You know what I liked about the summertime? I mean, among other things, I love the beach, man. We're lucky enough to have the Pacific Ocean nearby. [00:19:33] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:19:33] Speaker B: And I just like. I like a little volleyball. [00:19:35] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:19:36] Speaker B: I like a little. I forget what it's called. It's this little trampoline and you throw these balls down on it. [00:19:41] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:19:41] Speaker B: Called slam ball. [00:19:43] Speaker A: Yeah, slam ball, I think. [00:19:44] Speaker B: Is that right? [00:19:44] Speaker A: Yeah, it's something like that. I have seen people play that. I do not go to the beach. I live in Los Angeles and I just don't go. [00:19:51] Speaker B: You gotta go. [00:19:52] Speaker A: I know. [00:19:53] Speaker B: What's stopping you? [00:19:54] Speaker A: I think. Cause I grew up in Florida and then I moved here. There's, like, this quality of. Well, it's just there, like, I take it so for granted. [00:20:02] Speaker B: For shame. [00:20:03] Speaker A: If I was. If I was landlocked, I would. I would 100% go more, but I don't because I'm not. [00:20:08] Speaker B: I feel like there's a whole bunch of plots of eighties movies about midwestern trying to make it to a coast to, like, feel like life. They're living life. [00:20:16] Speaker A: Oh, right. Like, if I could just get one glimpse of the Pacific Ocean, I know me and candy would work it out. Yeah. [00:20:25] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:20:26] Speaker A: Genevieve and I. Genevieve and I will totally work it out. It's just, she needs to see. When we're both at the ocean, things will change. [00:20:33] Speaker B: Marsh is gone, but I made it to the beach. [00:20:36] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:20:36] Speaker B: It's always like, what does that mean about me? [00:20:38] Speaker A: Yeah. One of us didn't make it. And it turns out the whole time, you're like, why are they going to the beach? And then they sprinkle ashes in the ocean. You're like, oh, shit. That would have made the whole story more meaningful if you told us sooner. [00:20:51] Speaker B: Sooner? Yeah. Well, now it just went from mainstream to indie darling. Just that quick. [00:20:57] Speaker A: All you need is ashes. [00:20:58] Speaker B: You just need ashes. [00:21:00] Speaker A: Every movie could be improved by someone carrying around an urn. [00:21:06] Speaker B: You know what? [00:21:06] Speaker A: Like Spider man swinging around the city, but he's always got Uncle Ben's ashes. [00:21:12] Speaker B: No, Uncle Ben's ashes in the middle of a battle. Oh, no. Oh, my gosh. [00:21:21] Speaker A: Yeah. What are these screenwriters thinking? They need to add more. They need to add more ash. They need to add more ash. [00:21:28] Speaker B: Yeah. Oh, yeah. I got an executive meeting about my new screenplay. Yo. Hey, what's up, mister studio head? I heard everything. All the notes that you said. But when it comes to my screenplay, let me tell you one thing. I'm gonna add today up the stakes I'm gonna add a little stakes I'm not gonna pump the brakes yo, don't stop those hot flashes I'm gonna add. [00:21:58] Speaker A: Ashes up the stakes I'm gonna up the stakes yeah, don't pump the brakes I'm gonna up the stakes what if instead of saving the world, he was saving the universe? Not enough to just save the world. Peter's gotta save the whole dang universe. Instead of saving his girlfriend and saving his mom. There's also gotta be an extra nuclear bomb. Yeah, don't pump the brakes, baby, baby, you gotta up the stakes the stakes ooh. [00:22:30] Speaker B: Think this. Instead of a villain, he fights time that's right. He fights the. He fights the concept of time. [00:22:36] Speaker A: Ooh. [00:22:37] Speaker B: It doesn't make sense, but he will take time by the throat and wring it until it chokes. [00:22:43] Speaker A: Ooh. [00:22:44] Speaker B: Think of all his studio notes if he wrestles the concept of time. [00:22:49] Speaker A: Yeah. Dead poets society working on things like one, two, three. But what needed it be better if he had a gun terrorists break into the school. Wouldn't it be so fucking cool if Robin Williams had a gun? [00:23:07] Speaker B: Give him a gun. Give him a gun. [00:23:10] Speaker A: Yo, pump the stakes. We gotta pump the stakes. Oh, don't pump the brakes. You gotta pump, pump up the stakes. Have you seen sideways, the movie bout wine? What if Paul Giamatti, instead of talking about relationships from time to time, I'm telling you, Paul Giamatti walking round the room, telling everyone that he's so sad so soon. But didn't it be be just a lot more fun if all Giamati had a gun? [00:23:42] Speaker B: Bang, bang, bang, bang. Went GMD, went GM day. Had a gun, gun, gun, gun, gun. [00:23:54] Speaker A: Had a gun, gun, gun, gun, gun. [00:24:04] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:24:05] Speaker A: And also a ball. [00:24:08] Speaker B: A big old nuclear bomb. Wow. [00:24:21] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:24:22] Speaker B: I was trying to think of more movies like, uh. [00:24:24] Speaker A: Fuck, yeah, more movies. [00:24:27] Speaker B: What's one that doesn't already have a bomb in it? [00:24:29] Speaker A: I know. I love that we jumped immediately to superhero movies which have the biggest stakes. [00:24:33] Speaker B: I know. It's like, oh, shit. [00:24:34] Speaker A: And then I was like, okay, what has really small stakes? [00:24:37] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:24:37] Speaker A: Sideways and whatever the hell else. I said. [00:24:42] Speaker B: There's a movie called. It's a deep cut. It's a thanksgiving movie, so it's not appropriate for summer. So don't you dare watch it. Save it for thanksgiving. But it's called pieces of April, and it stars Katie Holmes, believe it or not. And it's such a small movie. It's this girl who considers this woman who considers herself kind of a fuck up, and her family thinks that she's a fuck up, kind of like the black sheep of the family. And she's inviting them over to her house for thanksgiving, and everything goes wrong, and she's just trying to make a turkey, but the oven goes out. So she goes around her apartment. [00:25:15] Speaker A: That's like domestic frowned. [00:25:17] Speaker B: And then, why does everything matter so much? And the mom has to make this work. Cause the mom. What does the mom have? [00:25:24] Speaker A: Cancer. [00:25:25] Speaker B: Cancer. And it's like this could be their last Thanksgiving. [00:25:29] Speaker A: Wasn't there a movie, like a Robert Pattinson movie, where the whole time he's in a. It's like a normal love story, and then halfway through the movie, it reveals that they're in the Twin Towers on September 11, 2001? [00:25:42] Speaker B: Yeah. Twilight two. The Twin Towers? [00:25:49] Speaker A: Edward, no. What are you doing in the Twin Towers? [00:25:52] Speaker B: Well, I'm getting something. My vampire senses. [00:25:56] Speaker A: They see a plane. [00:25:58] Speaker B: There's a plane. Quick. Have our daughter. What? We just met. [00:26:02] Speaker A: We just met. It's only the second one. [00:26:06] Speaker B: We don't have much time. [00:26:07] Speaker A: All of this town of forks in the Pacific Northwest, was on the 43rd floor of the twin Towers. The whole town? [00:26:15] Speaker B: The whole entire time? [00:26:16] Speaker A: The whole entire time. [00:26:17] Speaker B: I don't think he has a british accent in that, but you're kind of. [00:26:20] Speaker A: Giving him Elon Musk, actually. [00:26:22] Speaker B: Elon Musk. [00:26:24] Speaker A: Quiet glabs are a cybertruck God, but I'm. I'm. Another thing about the summer that I love is obviously no school. [00:26:38] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:26:38] Speaker A: That's cool, dude, because I was, like, a real grade grubber in school. [00:26:44] Speaker B: Wait, hold on. Quick. What's a grade grubber? [00:26:47] Speaker A: Not a grave grubber. I was always breaking into graves, you know, for their jewels. [00:26:55] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of people are famously buried with all their prized possessions. [00:26:59] Speaker A: Yes. Like, you know, mostly I was breaking into egyptian zooms. The big ones. No, I was a grade grubber, which means, like. Like, a straight a kid, really trying really hard. And so I had a lot of anxiety during the school year. So during the summers, I was a camp counselor and got to teach some of the weirdest kids in the world because I taught at a theater summer camp. And, God, were those kids bizarre. They were awesome. But they were so weird. [00:27:29] Speaker B: You know what made them so weird? [00:27:32] Speaker A: They were just, you know, they were little theater kids, you know, all bizarro. [00:27:39] Speaker B: But aren't you one of those very kids? [00:27:41] Speaker A: Yes, I am. That's why I, like, can say that with love. That's our word. [00:27:45] Speaker B: Yeah. That's our word. [00:27:47] Speaker A: Yeah. So I can say with confidence, those kids were crazy. [00:27:50] Speaker B: And now I think one of those kids just won an Oscar or something. Those kids go on to amazing things. [00:27:56] Speaker A: Yeah. I haven't gotten thanked in a single Oscar speech. What the. [00:28:00] Speaker B: Give it time. Give it time. [00:28:02] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:28:02] Speaker B: I think that 2025, 2026 oscars. That's your year for thanks. [00:28:06] Speaker A: It is getting weird to be old enough that the kids I taught as, like, kids when I was, you know. Cause also, I was teaching them when I was a kid, because I was a camp counselor. I was just a kid teaching kids. But, you know, I was 19 and they were 15. Right. And so now, of course, they're adults, so they'll be, like, posting about their comedy show, and I'll be like, what the heck? You're a child. [00:28:26] Speaker B: Does your mom know you're doing this? [00:28:28] Speaker A: Yeah, I'll always be saying that to them whenever I see them out. Does your mom know you're doing this and not in your bed peeing your pants? [00:28:35] Speaker B: Here, take this bottle and go back to sleep. Yeah, baby. [00:28:40] Speaker A: You know, like you say to kids, take this bottle. Like you say to 15 year old kids, take this bottle and go back to sleep. You, baby. Also, fuck you. [00:28:48] Speaker B: Yeah. You can't drive. You can't rent a car. Yeah, get out of here. [00:28:52] Speaker A: You don't pay taxes. You don't know grief, probably. [00:28:54] Speaker B: You can't vote for a president that you super truly want. Deep down to the core of you. [00:29:01] Speaker A: Is this something with you? [00:29:03] Speaker B: You definitely, definitely love voting, the whole process, and you can't wait to vote. [00:29:06] Speaker A: Oh, dude, I cannot wait to vote. So stoked. Dude. Yeah, dude, it's not just a duty. I mean, obviously I'm gonna vote. [00:29:15] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:29:15] Speaker A: But also, I can't wait. Ooh. [00:29:20] Speaker B: I get happy every time I remember that. It's almost November and I get to vote. [00:29:28] Speaker A: I get to vote. I mean, it is a big deal that I get to vote. It's not a small deal that I get to vote. But also, I'm so excited. This particular election, let me tell you. [00:29:39] Speaker B: What I like a whole lot. Walking up to the ballot box, I put a check mark next to the guy that I want to win. [00:29:47] Speaker A: Ooh. Let me tell you what I like a lot. Stepping up to the ballot box. Oh, hey, kids, voting is. [00:30:03] Speaker B: Coding is so much fun. [00:30:04] Speaker A: Hey, kids, voting is so much fun. Participating in this system is a lot of fun to do. [00:30:13] Speaker B: A two party system. [00:30:15] Speaker A: Two party system. [00:30:17] Speaker B: So many choices. [00:30:19] Speaker A: Who hold choices. You get to choose. Yeah. It's like you can never lose. Yeah. Republican or Democrat. [00:30:28] Speaker B: One of those is where it's at. [00:30:31] Speaker A: The two party system. No ranked choice. No ranked choice. It's a two party system. Only two choices. Yeah. [00:30:40] Speaker B: Oh, I'm so glad that I'm already registered. [00:30:50] Speaker A: Do you want the tyrant or the genocide king? So many choices. Makes me want to sing. I love this so very much. Joe Biden with the feely, super creepy touch or the literal, actual rapist. Yeah. I'm glad they're both famous. And I'm glad every single day, this particular guy gets a text that says this. Hey, Philip. Just texting you to ask you if you can spare $5 to fight for democracy. Fight for democracy. That's what you're supposed to be fucking doing. Fuck you so hard. I have gotten 15 to 20 texts every day for the last three fucking years. Fuck you. [00:31:34] Speaker B: Fuck you. [00:31:35] Speaker A: Fuck the democratic party. I mean, fuck the republican party harder, but fuck the democratic party. [00:31:42] Speaker B: Wait, wait, wait. Clear all this nonsense. It's me, the voice of reason, of centrists. I'm not on one side, one side or the other, but I'm right down the middle. You are my brother. [00:31:53] Speaker A: I think fascism's bad and woke ism is equally bad. The two things are literally equal. I'm so smart. I'm a centrist. I'm so fucking smart. Fascism is equal to someone asking me to respect their pronouns. I'm a genius. [00:32:16] Speaker B: Swallow the red pill. [00:32:23] Speaker A: Oh, no. You know what I just realized? [00:32:25] Speaker B: What's up? [00:32:26] Speaker A: Oh, no. [00:32:27] Speaker B: Oh, God. Has it been stopped? [00:32:29] Speaker A: No, I haven't had it. I haven't had it set to turn on and off the. In playback. To turn on and off the fucking. [00:32:36] Speaker B: Oh. [00:32:37] Speaker A: Oh, no. [00:32:38] Speaker B: So is the whole thing gonna be autotuned? [00:32:39] Speaker A: No. It'll either be autotuned or I have to go back in and set it later. [00:32:44] Speaker B: No, no, don't do it. [00:32:48] Speaker A: I just won't do it. And the whole time will sound crazy. [00:32:50] Speaker B: Yeah, it will just sound crazy. It'll be kind of funny. [00:32:52] Speaker A: We should call it there. Okay, I'll just, like, write it. Centrist. [00:32:57] Speaker B: This gets the algorithm going so that way we appear on the very right feeds. [00:33:01] Speaker A: Yes. [00:33:01] Speaker B: The correct feeds. [00:33:02] Speaker A: The correct feeds. Only the right opinions. [00:33:05] Speaker B: Bye bye, everybody.